“Seriously Mope, I don’t understand any of it?” Lauren laments out loud to her friend as they trek back home after church service on a Sunday afternoon. Mope smiles.
“You will, just keep at it.” Mope replies smiling still.
“What is it with you? You took me to your church for the first time and I did not understand a thing of what your pastor preached. Here I am lamenting to you and you are not explaining how I will understand to me but busy grinning from ear to ear like a silly cat.” Lauren blurts out.
“What do you want me to say?” Mope asks her sheepishly.
“What’s the deal? Is this what you go to church to hear everyday? Someone is teaching you to kill yourself and all of you sit back there ‘whooing and waoing’ as if it is a thing of Joy to die.” Lauren vomits her beef with the service and the pastor that day like a venom.
“Actually, it is, a thing of Joy to commit suicide.” Mope says and gets Lauren gaping at her like she has lost it totally.
“Are you out of your mind? Is this the kind of message we were brought up with? You have been brainwashed, Mope! You are not seeing correctly again; can’t you see that your pastor has filled you all with lies? Please, dear friend, wake up, I beg you, wake up!” Lauren begs hysterically.
She shakes her as if to wake her from a stupefied state.
“Lauren, I am not hypnotized neither am I a victim of a brainwash, but (she raises her hands to emphasize it) if it is called brainwash, then I love to be consumed by it.”
“Mope, Mope, how come you are easily swayed with doctrines like this. You are not a baby Christian now. You have been active in church since you were young. If not because we had to move down here to school, you know you would have been made a pastor by now. But here, you are, with little or no publicity, sitting in the congregation with others who do not even know to the extent you know, or a young pastor, maybe your age or a little older, heap piles of dying message on you and you are taking the ‘shit’?”
“Exactly, I love the ‘shit’ and do you know what? What you mentioned , about being a pastor, being known is one thing I have to die too. I must kill myself from that state. That mindset is what is giving the devil chances to steal from me, kill me and destroy me. It is self-gratifying! Lauren, that is one of the things to strangle to death. I have to kill those killers by dying, so that I will live.” Mope explains with all her heart.
Lauren is taken aback by her friend’s remark, and for a while, watches Mope who is also looking back at her. She turns her head and appears won.
“Is that it?” She asks cooly.
“Yes, that is it!” Mope answers excitedly.
“You mean, not having the thoughts of being recognised in church, by people who are spiritually there, not thinking of yourself as so important because of your experience or knowledge in God, sitting to listen to other people preach instead of you doing it, happy listening and responding truly are what commiting suicide mean?”
“For me, Yes and many more that God’s Grace is helping me discover! I have been filled with thoughts of myself being very important. I think highly of myself, that I do not give chance to others. Lauren, you know how we carry ourselves back home like there is no one like us, more so because we know some bible. I have realized it’s SELF! That is what the devil wins us through: seeing ourselves always instead of God, instead of the finished work of Christ. Thinking we are everything when actually God is. Being ambitious and feeling God was meant to serve our purpose when we are the ones He created to serve His Purpose! Can’t you see it’s not about us but about Him? If it were to be about self, Jesus wouldn’t have died but He chose to lay himself down. That’s Suicide! And by dying, He lived and gave us Life! I am glad I have to die, Lauren.” Mope says with pleasure and laughter in her voice. “I choose to die, so I will live. I choose to lose to get because it is in my suicide that I come alive!” She says, finally.
By now, Lauren is overwhelmed and has tears streaming down her cheeks, as she watches her friend talk of her conviction in DEATH leading to LIFE, not just that, but at how light she feels in her heart, how lifted she feels, how it looks like she is being exposed and covered at the same time. One amazing thing that she feels and will remain with her forever, is how she too wants to commit suicide by responding in faith to God’s Word spoken, so as to live, God’s very own Life, how she also is understanding that the start point of LIFE is DEATH.
Suicide, in this context is not stabbing oneself with a knife or hanging oneself on a rope but taking deliberate effort as Grace instructs through the Words of Righteousness, the speakings of the Son of God, Christ Jesus, to let go things that point our attention to ourselves in all aspects, things that make us see the world, romance the world and focus our gaze on the Lord and Saviour who saved us, washed us clean, gave us His Life and a hope of eternity with Him.
We will then realize, that our dying is salvation of not only ourselves, but others.
“Except a grain of corn will fall down and die…if it dies, it bring forth much fruit.”
May our Lord cause us to respond to Salvation processes, so that we will continually DIE to our SELF and abound in LIFE and see that the reason we have a life is because we can point to a death! Amen!
Galatians 2:20; Matthew 16:24; John 10:10; 1 Corinthians 15:31; Colossians 3:5-10…